Jennifer Aniston's opining about single motherhood and fathers

[dark-weezing.livejournal.com]

Apparently, Jennifer Aniston has opined about single motherhood and the role of fathers in the 21st century, via commentary to People.com. The latter is more integral, per the irony of her using a sperm donor as part of her new plan to become a single mother. Read onward:

Link: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20408849,00.html

Needless to say, Bill O'Reilly is not amused by Aniston's comments:

Link: http://www.popeater.com/2010/08/11/bill-oreilly-jennifer-aniston-video/

Let the fun begin.

Update (8/13): Our Mod had thoughtful concrit about my wording the entry like I had, linked below. My response is within the thread, which I hope should clear up any disconnect issues. It wasn't my intent, as I simply wrote the entry in a rush (or more of one than I thought). My apologies.

Link: http://community.livejournal.com/therightfangirl/1267459.html?thread=13882115#t13882115

Update 2 (8/14): I revised the entry and Subject line considerably, as to tone down my rhetoric. It wasn't my intent when I originally wrote the entry, and I now admit my emotions had the better of me. I try my best to avoid showing such knee-jerk reactions, but this one got to me (or my inner male) more than I thought. Time was another problem, as I apparently had less of it that day to do my usual double checking. (I re-edit myself so much, it's almost frightening.)

I'll take the opportunity to address an issue some of you have focused on: the Subject line. To me, it is the most bothersome aspect of blogging, as capturing the right wording can be quite problematic. Sometimes, I do end up using the headline of whatever link I'm spotlighting for sheer expediency. Sometimes, I agree with it, but I usually don't. I just go with the flow whenever possible. In this case, it was for expediency, which I now see was a mistake.

As always, it has been quite instructive, as my form of blogging still have ways to go. If I offended anyone, my apologies. (I'll opine about the topic of single motherhood itself whenever I have lots of computer time, which I don't, at the moment. Short version, one good parent, regardless of gender, is better than none, yes. Male influence is essential, but life happens and, sometimes, can only go on a case-by-case basis. I simply don't want the male be further diminished in the culture, and Aniston's originally expressing herself in that way got under my skin and I reacted badly.)

Hopefully, the entry should be read better by comparison, and we can move onward and upward, right? Besides my revision, I also have an update, as Aniston has responded to O'Reilly's remarks. Special thanks to Big Hollywood.

Link: http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2010/08/13/jennifer-aniston-responds-oreillys-criticism-single-parenthood-comments/

Link: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20412790,00.html

Big Hollywood read it as Aniston backing down. Sounds like it. As always, you make the call.

Comments

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

Of course, ignore the irony that she still needs a sperm donor as part of her new plan to be a single mother.

That never fails to amuse me. And they will *never* get away from that aspect of it. For the hardcore man-haters, this must make them so angry.

Years ago, I used to think conceiving a child that way was ok. Maybe not the ideal option, but a valid option nonetheless. As the years went by I learned about the damage that is done to children who go through life without one parent. Children - people - have a deep desire to know who they are and where they came from. I don't know all the psychological reasoning behind it. It just seems part of human nature. To deliberately deprive a child of a father is nothing but selfishness.

If you want something to take care of and that will love you back, go buy yourself a dog.

Full disclosure: It took me years to come to this point. I didn't grow up wanting children, like so many women desperately do. Thank God! But I have come to want them in later years... when I saw the clock running out.

This is a very painful and traumatic issue for women. I understand the desperation. But you have to think of the child and not just yourself and your wishes.

Life sucks like that sometimes.

[so-sporktastic.livejournal.com]

I commented below without reading your comment, and I agree 100%. Just get a dog. They're also more convenient to leave in a kennel when you go away for vacation, and nobody's going to gawk if you name your dog something like Apple or Sparrow.

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

Male-bashing does not advance the proper treatment of women. If anything, it makes men feel more justified in abusing and insulting women.

Liberals have a lot of skewed perceptions. There is nothing empowering in the glorification of single-motherhood. A lot of women became single-mothers because they need to leave bad situations or because of deadbeat dads. They become single-mothers _because_ of sexism and NOT to spite sexism. If most of these single-mothers had what they truly wanted, they would be raising their children with the help and support of a husband who treated them with respect. The empowerment comes from leaving a bad situation; it does not come from raising a child alone.

[so-sporktastic.livejournal.com]

If most of these single-mothers had what they truly wanted, they would be raising their children with the help and support of a husband who treated them with respect.

This single teen mother by abandonment agrees x100000.

[so-sporktastic.livejournal.com]

As a single mother by default - my son's father walked out on us when he was four months old - this kind of thing PISSES ME OFF.

What kind of life are you giving your kid by DELIBERATELY leaving men out for no reason (i.e. abuse, alcoholism, etc). What kind of selfish person are you to bring a child into the world to satisfy your OWN "NEED" to become a mother? Sure, JA might have cash and fame, but a nanny's probably going to be raising that baby, because it sure as heck won't be the father. She needs to look at the statistics for children raised by single parents.

It appalls me to no end when women CHOOSE to do this, to initiate a pregnancy with the intention of being a single parent. Adoption is one thing IMO, as is making lemonade out of lemons when you "have" to be a single parent, but deliberately bringing a child into the world from scratch when you have no intention of raising him/her in a home with two available parents?

Selfish.

[shellebelle84.livejournal.com]

A single parent can be a great parent and raise a healthy child, but it shouldn't be the goal. As a single mother (unintentionally) I do my best to be a good role model and to try to make sure my son has positive male influence (spending a lot time with his grandfather) but it's not the same, and I would not have intentionally chosen for him to miss out on having a dad.

Another thing that bothers me about the intentional-single-motherhood trend is that it seems like some women want to have a baby like he/she is an accessory. Do they think about how much more difficult the road will be for the child in the long run, as they get older, or are they just drawn to the appeal of having a cute little baby?

[acadecalli.livejournal.com]

I believe that Jennifer Aniston said this in reference to the character she is playing in an upcoming film. As far as I know, she is not trying to get pregnant IRL.

I have no clue whether or not this was said as some sort of feminist statement or just something she was supposed to say to promote her new movie.

I would like to offer an opposing viewpoint. I believe that a two parent home is generally the best for children. However, a loving family is more important than having the right number of parents. Grandfathers and uncles can often help fill in the void left by absent fathers. I know I want to be a parent, but I am not sure if marriage is for me. Of course, if I don't get married, I would adopt or take in foster children. I wouldn't look to get pregnant myself. My pro-life beliefs make me feel that it would be better for children to be raised by a single mother than aborted, so I think adoption might end up being the right option for me.

[shezan.livejournal.com]

I'm with you. One of my single friends adopted a Vietnamese baby from an orphanage when she was 38. Today her 17-year-old son is a successful university undergraduate, loves his mother and enjoys an interesting life. Compared with the kind of existence that awaited him, I can see his loving single mother gave him a LOT.

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

Thanks for this. I wasn't even sure if single people are allowed to adopt. Unfortunately, I'd need a ton of money to do it at all, and to be able to stay home to raise the child. It wouldn't make sense to adopt only to have to put the kid in daycare while I'm away at work at least 10 hours a day.

I need a rich husband!

[jacobs-muse.livejournal.com]

Yes, they are allowed. You just need to show, like every other prospective parent, that you can afford raising a child and provide a good and stable environment.

[sopdetly.livejournal.com]

Women don't need men to be good moms. Same as men don't need women to be good dads. A good dad can exist with a less-than-awesome mom, and vice versa. Someone's individual parenting ability is just that: individual.

I think the argument you're trying to make is that single women who decide to have children to satisfy their own biological clocks and do not think of what might be best for the child are selfish, and that kind of home is not the ideal for the child. I'd agree to a large extent, though suggest that you not assume that said single mother doesn't have a plan to give her child a significant male influence in the child's life (uncle/grandfather/good friend/etc).

That is a very far cry from saying that a woman needs a man (and presumably, you specifically mean a husband?) to be a good mother, and that's what your title and post are suggesting. And that's rather sexist. And this is me saying this, who doesn't usually notice that stuff. :P I point out only as this is a public post and you never know who's gonna call you on this, and better a friendly face than someone who is looking to stir shit up. ;)

[acadecalli.livejournal.com]

I agree with you completely. I think I tried to mention some of this in my comment, but you phrased things so much better!

[shezan.livejournal.com]

THIS.

[athousandsmiles]

I agree with this, except in the OP's defense, the title of this post is the title of the article he linked.

[sopdetly.livejournal.com]

*shrug* No indication that he finds the title faulty, so I hardly feel as though I should be expected to assume he disagrees. As I said, I do expect that what is suggested by this post is not what the OP really thinks, and my comment is merely meant to point out this possible disconnect.

[dark-weezing.livejournal.com]

Due to current time restrictions, I didn't have the time to clarify my own position. I did use the headline, as a time saver, and maybe I shouldn't have. At the time, I had thought or hoped the links would stand up for themselves, as I usually add deep context for issues that may be more misinterpreted, due to text concerns. I'll have to be additionally thoughtful in the future.

(I also re-edit like mad, and I like to think I would have caught it, eventually.)

Actually, my focus will be on the men to step up, as it makes two to have a child. And, no, I don't lump so and so in one group, but, admittedly, Aniston did piss me a little. It happens.

Anyway, I appreciate the concrit.

[chemchick.livejournal.com]

Agreed.

Excellent points.

[dark-weezing.livejournal.com]

I revised the entry completely since my last comment to you, so everything should be cleared up. Frankly, I'm not sure what I was suggesting, as it has become a blur. (Including writing the entry itself, apparently.) Lizbeth_mairead's comment on one of O'Reilly's quotes below basically sums up my position, if you need it, at the moment. I should have spotlighted it myself, but hindsight is 20/20, as they say.

Instructive as always.

[sopdetly.livejournal.com]

I'm just glad my intent came across correctly, and that you haven't taken offense. I can certainly appreciate posting in haste and not recognizing possible misunderstandings that may result. Acknowledging them and clarifying your thoughts is an admirable response, especially online where tantrums and deletion are common! ;)

[dark-weezing.livejournal.com]

Indeed, as I've been there quite a few times, which is why I try to do my usual mental filtering anymore. Unfortunately, my filter wasn't working that day. And it depends on the topic, as I failed to see that I should used it here, as well. Time is the main problem, as you said, "posting in haste and not recognizing possible misunderstandings that may result."

Live and learn, right?

[lizbeth-mairead.livejournal.com]

What really gets me about the Feminist group that perpetuates this is that they're JUST AS WRONG as mysogonists when they bash men. I'm not saying all feminists are like this, so don't get me wrong here. But I mean, this statement?

"Women are realizing more and more that you don't have to settle, they don't have to fiddle with a man to have that child," Aniston said.

Her idea of a man and a woman conceiving a child is "fiddling" around? I take offense to that. Not only is it belittling the role of a man in a child's life (saying he's only good for one thing), but she's downplaying the critical roles of mothers and fathers.

I also agree with O'Reilly: "Any man who leaves their children is not a man. Let's make that perfectly clear. But the fathers that do try hard are under appreciated and diminished by people like Jennifer Aniston," he continued.

[dark-weezing.livejournal.com]

"I also agree with O'Reilly: "Any man who leaves their children is not a man. Let's make that perfectly clear. But the fathers that do try hard are under appreciated and diminished by people like Jennifer Aniston," he continued."

That's a nice way to sum up my take from the whole issue, right there. Thanks.

[sekhmetsat.livejournal.com]

I was raised by a single-parent, back before it was trendy (not my mom's choice). I finally did meet my dad, only to be banished from his life because he doesn't like my choices. Being raised that way leaves a void. Money won't make up for it.

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

I was trying to find an article I read about the topic of children conceived from sperm donors. This is not the particular one I read, but it says the same information. At this story there is a link to the actual study, which is something like 140 pages long.

The Sperm-Donor Kids Are Not Really All Right (http://www.slate.com/id/2256212/pagenum/all/#p2)

Here is another article on the topic:

"I just want more information about who I am" (http://informationr.net/ir/15-2/paper428.html)

The bottom line:
(From the first link.)

Listening to the stories of donor-conceived adults, you begin to realize there's really no such thing as a "donor." Every child has a biological father. To claim otherwise is simply to compound the pain, first as these young people struggle with the original, deliberate loss of their biological father, and second as they do so within a culture that insists some guy who went into a room with a dirty magazine isn't a father.

The best environment for children is a home with a mother and a father. (Obviously, a non-abusive or otherwise dysfunctional one.)

When that ideal is not met, problems arise. I know this is not what people today wish to hear. Like I said, as a single woman, it was a hard thing for me to accept. But it's reality.

[jacobs-muse.livejournal.com]

Her response:

"Of course, the ideal scenario for parenting is obviously two parents of a mature age. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs on earth," Aniston tells PEOPLE exclusively. "And, of course, many women dream of finding Prince Charming (with fatherly instincts), but for those who've not yet found their Bill O'Reilly, I'm just glad science has provided a few other options."

Aniston, who is currently starring in The Switch, a film about a woman who gets pregnant using a sperm donor, told reporters recently that women no longer have to wait for the perfect guy to start a family.

"Women are realizing it more and more, knowing that they don't have to settle with a man just to have that child," the actress told reporters. "Love is love and family is what is around you and who is in your immediate sphere."

With using the word "settle", I've taken it in her comments as women shouldn't feel like they have to pick the okay-but-not-quite-right guy to become a mother. Which, considering how hard it can be to be a woman in your 30s or 40s and find a man who is both a good match and willing to have children with you.....fair enough. My preference would be adoption rather than going to a sperm donor, but yeah.......is it fair that a woman only has so many years to have a pregnancy vs. a man that can become a father at 80? Not entirely. And that's a hard thing for women to face as they age.

There's so much pressure. I personally have an aunt that's grilled my boyfriend several times over when he's going to marry me and doesn't he want children already. We've been together 11.5 years....and he absolutely doesn't want to have kids. My body won't handle a pregnancy, but I grew up pretending to mother my toys and dolls, not be a bride, and at 33, I'm still thinking about what I might do or accept about motherhood. I wouldn't want to try without being financially secure, which I'm not right now, but do I adopt? Go for a surrogate? I can't say yet. But does it hurt when all my friends and the people I knew from high school are mothers, and my family keeps hinting at carrying on the bloodline? Yeah, it does.

My parents divorced when I was 5. My dad was a shmuck. My mother made sure I had my uncle, grandfather, and several good guy friends of hers around me, and I had an awesome male kindergarten teacher and a great choir director. But for all my father put me through, she asked me at one point if it would've been easier for me if he'd died vs. what I got, and I had to say yes. In my personal situation, I wouldn't have the baggage I do if he'd gone away instead of having visitation. Good guys that can be good fathers are hard to find.....I don't envy any single woman looking to marry and have a family.

[chemchick.livejournal.com]

but yeah.......is it fair that a woman only has so many years to have a pregnancy vs. a man that can become a father at 80? Not entirely. And that's a hard thing for women to face as they age.

Of course it's not fair. There's so many good women out there who want nothing more than to be a mom and to raise that child with a good dad. But sometimes the dice get thrown and you wake-up and 40 is staring you down and you have to make some really hard choices.

And it really really sucks.